Hypnosis is Focus - Lisa Percival/


	Suggestibility and Sexuality: How you Learn and How You Behave
	1. Suggestibility There are actually two ways in which you take in and process information: direct or indirect. Another way of putting this is to say that you take in suggestions either literally or inferentially. What does that mean? Simply put, it means that you either accept what you hear at face value or you question it and look for the inner meaning, like reading between the lines. As an example, when someone says to you that you look good today, you may accept the compliment and say thank you, or you may question the motive of the speaker and wonder what he really meant (Did I look bad yesterday? Does he want something from me? What is he thinking that he’s not telling me? Does this mean that he’s interested in me?) How you take in information, either literally or inferentially, is called your suggestibility. Your suggestibility results from your earliest interactions with your primary caregiver, usually your mother. If your mother was direct in her communication with you and you could count on her to be true to her word, then you are most likely to be literal in the manner in which you take in information. We would call this physical suggestibility. If your mother was evasive or not clear in her manner of communicating with you, such that you could not always trust her word, or such that you would have to guess at her meaning, then you would most likely be inferential in the manner in which you take in information. We would call this emotional suggestibility. Since learning to communicate with others is critical to your survival, this is a skill that is learned from birth. It is learned from your primary caregiver, since this is the person with whom you have the most contact and communication. It is so important that it is fully imprinted in your mind during the first seven or eight years of life, when your subconscious mind is in the forefront absorbing everything you take in without judging or applying logic to the information. Conversely, a person with emotional suggestibility will speak very directly or literally, having internally processed the thoughts leading to the spoken words. This person will be brief and even blunt, having already worked through any ambivalence toward what was being said. There is also a reluctance to reveal what is within – a desire to be protective of oneself. A person with physical suggestibility, more open about himself, will speak inferentially or indirectly, processing his thoughts as he speaks and revealing his thought process as though it were vital to the communication. These differences in communication direction can be considered oppositional. The best way, however, is to realize that they are complementary: The physical speaks inferentially, the emotional accepts inferentially. The emotional speaks literally and the physical accepts literally. When conflict arises, it is because the emotional is reluctant to interrupt the chatty physical and withdraws. The physical senses the withdrawal of the emotional and pushes forward, believing that he is closing the gap. The nature of your own suggestibility can be identified and used when preparing hypnotic suggestions for you. For example, if you are emotionally suggestible, a direct order such as “ You will close your eyes and relax” would irritate you and cause you to reject or resist any further attempts to help you access the hypnotic state. This type of suggestion would work fine with the physical suggestible person. For an emotionally suggestible person, a better suggestion would be indirect: “ You may notice that as you breathe in slowly, you experience a sensation of warmth along your muscles that allows you to feel relaxed”. It is the understanding of the differences between emotional and physical suggestibility that allows us to craft hypnotic suggestions that are effective on an individual basis. All people are capable of being hypnotized. We all go in and out of hypnosis all day long. Resistance to hypnosis is the result of lack of rapport or trust for the hypnotherapist, and the use of inappropriate suggestions that are not matched to the person being hypnotized. Keep in mind that no one is 100% emotional or 100% physical in his or her suggestibility. We are all a combination of both, to varying degrees, and this is a good thing because it allows us to function in a variety of social and communication situations. Keep in mind, also, that communication is only about 7% verbal. Beyond the spoken words, the other 93% of communication is non-verbal. This non-verbal portion includes the body language, tone of voice and attitude of the speaker. It also includes the state of mind of the person to whom the speaker is speaking. Thus, the comment, “It’s a lovely day” could mean just that, assuming the non-verbal portion of the communication matches the words. If the speaker’s body language, tone of voice, and attitude do not match the words, then there is a disconnect that triggers an inferential response on the part of the person to whom the comment is directed. Being able to distinguish between a comment that can be taken literally and one that must be interpreted is an advanced communication skill that is very important to survival. 2. Sexuality When we refer to sexuality, for the purposes of hypnotherapy, we are referring to aspects of behavior in all areas, not just with respect to sexual activity. Starting about the age of nine years, we begin to turn our attention more outward, and this coincides also with the onset of puberty. We notice the behavior of our secondary caregiver, usually our father but not always, and we see how he behaves toward our mother and toward us. Is he affectionate, outgoing, and physically demonstrative? Or is he stoic, reserved and undemonstrative? Does he display his feelings openly? Or is he closed, perhaps difficult to read? Someone who is openly demonstrative, physically affectionate, proud of his body to the point of dressing to display it, and very much in touch with his physical self is what we would call a physical sexual. A physical sexual grew up in an environment where there was an abundance of physical affection, where it was safe or even encouraged to show feelings, to display emotion, to engage in physical relationships and to seek attention. A physical sexual person places home and family first, relationships and lovers next, then hobbies and lastly, work and career. A man or a woman who is predominantly a physical sexual will seek to please a domestic partner, place a high value on home, family and relationships, while putting hobbies an career on the back burner. The physical sexual person will seek the rewards of physical contact, more frequent sexual encounters, and want to be reassured verbally of his or her importance in the lives of those around him (or her). The physical sexual person will dress to be noticed, prefer team sports, seek attention whenever possible and will endeavor to fill the gap by pushing forward whenever he or she senses that there is withdrawal on the part of a spouse, lover, or friend. On the positive side, the physical sexual person is warmly affectionate, emotionally available and very much alive. On the extreme side, the physical sexual person is domineering, all-consuming, jealous, and constantly demanding attention. It is worthy to note that the physical sexual person fears rejection most of all, and will do anything to prevent it. This person uses his body as a protection against painful emotional experiences and sensations, seeking reassurance by engaging in repeated sexual activity and through behavior intended to draw attention to himself. He will perceive the natural reticence of the emotional sexual person as rejection, even though it is not, and will actively seek feedback from the object of his attention, oblivious to the fact that his very persistence is what is creating the resistance he so wants to avoid. The emotional sexual person is the complement to the physical sexual, placing work and career first, hobbies next, followed by family, friends and lovers, in that order. The emotional sexual person “dresses down”, not seeking to draw attention to himself generally. His goal is to protect himself from uncomfortable emotional feelings by denying them. He grew up in an environment where showing emotion was not permitted and physical displays of affection were absent. He therefore will avoid situations and people who demand an emotional response from him. He may regard the sex act merely as a release rather than as a primary way to connect with another person. No one is 100% emotional or physical sexual, but rather a combination of both with one being more dominant than the other. Unlike suggestibility, sexuality can change over time and depending on the situation. If two people are attracted and there is chemistry or they fall in love, both of them will exhibit more physical sexual traits than at other times. If a physical sexual person is rejected either in love or in a social environment, he may react by exhibiting more emotional traits as a defense against the hurt. The most aware and socially skilled among us will recognize the presence of both sets of traits and use them to the best advantage when the situation arises. For example, a physical sexual woman, given to dressing provocatively and flirting freely, may realize that this is not appropriate if she is to climb the corporate ladder. She can tap into her inner emotional and dress conservatively, toning down her flirtatiousness as well. By doing that, she allows herself to be more focused on career advancement. There are numerous other traits that identify physical vs. emotional sexuality. Essentially, what emerges is that the two behavioral divisions are complementary to each other. For example: the emotional is reserved, while the physical wants attention, even to the point of being theatrical. The emotional is career-oriented while the physical is more driven by relationships. The emotional will enjoy sexual activity, but it is viewed as more of a release than an emotional experience. The physical sexual enjoys all aspects of sexual activity, as it supplies a medium for getting attention and establishing a concrete connection to another person. The physical sexual (male and female) desires to prolong sexual activity as this means reinforcement of the physical (and subsequently emotional) connection. The emotional sexual is easily overwhelmed by the attention paid by the physical and will withdraw in order to protect himself from what may feel almost like an assault. The physical, sensing rejection, comes forward, closing the gap, but ultimately making the emotional feel pursued, and not in a good way. The emotional tends to derive much satisfaction from individual pursuits, career, hobbies and individual sports (running, weight training, swimming) and at times can seem to be able to exist alone. This wreaks havoc with the physical, who needs constant reassurance and connection, and cannot fathom living without that constant interaction. The list could be extended indefinitely, showing complementary traits in physical and emotional sexual behavior. In summary, it is worth noting that physical sexual males and females use their bodies as a defense against emotion. For them a thought will produce a physical sensation which will then produce an emotion. For emotional sexual males and females, a thought will produce an emotion which will then produce a physical sensation. Physicals are generally in tune with their bodies and use them expressively and to externalize their emotions, thereby releasing them. Emotionals guard their bodies, internalizing their emotions as a means of self-protection, and are generally not as in tune with their bodies. Keep in mind that there is no one right or better way to be, either with respect to suggestibility or sexuality (behavior). The two paths of development are complementary, not oppositional, and function in the same way as the two genders. Together, they allow for compatible behavior and for screening those with whom we would no be compatible. Although it would seem logical to assume that emotionals would seek out and attract other emotionals, the fact is that emotionals find themselves attracted to physicals and vice versa. If two physicals spend too much time together, they end up competing with each other, both wanting attention and needing reassurance rather than giving it. Two emotionals would cancel each other out, each withdrawing and seeking solitude. Thus the physical draws out and inspires the emotional and the emotional tones down the physical, at least in an ideal relationship. An awareness of these complementary developmental learning and behavioral differences aids in predicting and understanding relational dynamics. In this way, we can understand and not personalize the behaviors of our friends, lovers and family, while at the same time we are able to modify our behavior to allow us to better adapt to the situations in which we find ourselves.

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